Oh… oh no. This was abysmal.

It isn’t even the fourth (fifth of you count the Hilary Swank) retread of The Karate Kid origin story, or the horrendous cliches. It’s the fact that the movie is so disinterested in doing these things week that the first act lasts for nearly an hour and the following acts (which has the stuff you actually want to see) lasts all of thirty minutes combined. The filmmakers totally knew this too, as they dressed the film up in so many motion graphics to try and make things go down easier. And look, I’m a literal video essayist who uses motion graphics to do the same thing. If I’m complaining about it, you’ve got a huge problem on your hands. 

Sheeeeeesh. The amount of setup the first act does is insane. Like, was this a Cobra Kai spin off at some point that got recurring a movie? Because it’s giving that. Down to them even doing a very Cobra Kai title just before the movie ends.

If you want an easy point of comparison, this is in Madame Web/Kraven/Morbius territory; movies that feel like they would’ve been fine/forgettable if they came out twenty years ago but sting especially hard due to coming out following massive successes for the franchises they’re a part of. Those Marvel spin offs came off the heels of Spider-Man: No Way Home, Legends followed up on the (admittedly rocky) end of Cobra Kai.

Even a neat cameo that comes after the story ends feels lazy. Like the person really didn’t want to be there and can tell this movie will suck.

It was cool seeing Jackie on the big screen and he had amazing repartee with Macchio, but that simply wasn’t enough to save this. There are a few moments I liked (that first fight that was clearly inspired by Chan’s HK filmography, mostly), but there isn’t much to this.

PS: AI Miyagi voice. Fucking AI Miyagi voice. 🤦‍♀️